Loving Ourselves

Loving ourselves creates a life of joy and fulfillment.
— Louise L. Hay

I know it sounds cheesy but I swear it does.  I have clients come in who hate their bodies, hate food, hate the way the two are related, hate the way the use both. And I swear bringing a little love and acceptance into that relationship changes lives. It's not easy and it takes a LOT of work-it's definitely not something you wake up the next morning saying "hey everything's GREAT now!" No. It's step by step, little by little. Eating something that makes you feel guilty and seeing that nothing bad happens. It's buying an outfit that you've been avoiding. It's waking up and doing the work to get yourself to a better place. 

Image source

Here's to positivity. New Days. New Directions. New Hope. New Changes. New Life.

Make Peace and Help Others

Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have. ~Doris Mortman

Much like the ladies at Stylelist we are also allergic to statements like "I'm fat" "I hate my _____"

So we would love it if you would go over to their blog post, and tell them one thing you LOVE about yourself. And for every favor you do for yourself, by shouting this love out to the world, they will donate $1 to Girls Inc-a fantastic organization that helps young girls grow up a healthy self-esteem as they encourage girls to be strong, smart and bold. It's really a win-win.

Happy Valentine's Day!

In case you were unaware; Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. A day to exchange sweet nothings with your loved ones, shower them with roses and chocolates and hope for another year of love. A day to make and remember important, wonderful traditions and memories. But did you ever stop and tell yourself that you loved you? Have you shown your body the respect it deserves today?

Head over to Me You Health to Read Elizabeth's top 7 ways to show yourself a little love this VDay!

How are you celebrating Valentine's Day?

Start a Revolution

source

Viva La Revolution!!

Self Worth in a Can

source

I doubt any of us found this under the Christmas tree yesterday.

Unfortunately last time I checked you can't buy Self-Worth in a can

But here's some gifts you can give your self to boost your own self-worth:

• Compliment at least one part of your body or personality-daily
• Tell someone else how much to appreciate them, being as open and honest as possible
• Learn to say no to things to don't help or support you and your journey.
• Stand tall and project confidence, even on days when you're not feeling your best. The way you do and say things speaks more than words sometimes.
  
• Take at least 5 minutes out of your day to do something for yourself. Think about how many hours you spend doing something for other people and realize that you can make time just for you.
  
• Trust yourself and your intuition.
• Stop comparing yourself to others
• Smile

And build up your self-esteem day by day! Maybe that should be our new year's "resolution"...

How do you increase your own self-worth?

Bollywood Beauty

“It’s beautiful to be a woman. Every woman is different: if we were all the same, it’d be boring.” -Vidya Balan Bollywood's Curvy Renaissance

Bodyheart

Today's guest post comes from Amber Krzys-founder of bodyheart, whom is a coach, speaker, dog lover & bodyhearter. Her mission is help create a world where women love and embrace not only their bodies, but SHINE in their lives. We are thrilled to have her words embrace the pages of Guitless!

I was tired . . .

Tired of the endless struggle to have a perfect body.
Tired of constantly thinking about how I could lose weight.
Tired of planning every meal.
Tired of comparing myself to other ‘better’ women.
Tired of always coming up short.

I was tired of being in an abusive relationship with my body.

So, I decided to do something about it. I set out to see if I could actually love, accept and appreciate the body I had?

Could I love this body at the 130 lbs she wanted to be, instead of the 113 lbs I was trying to force her to be? Could I love the dimples (aka cellulite) on my butt and thighs? Could I love the furrowed brow? The large pores? The small breasts?

I didn’t know if those things were possible, but one thing I knew for sure was that I couldn’t continue living the way I was. It was killing me.

The journey I went on took some time, exploration and A LOT of tears. BUT, I’m happy to share that all the angst was worth it. See, I got there . . . I got to a place of love, acceptance & appreciation for MY body. For the amazing body I have been blessed with in this life.

This new way of being completely changed the course of my life and work. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt a calling in your life, but that is definitely how I would describe what happened to me next.

Because I knew the torture and torment that so many woman go through, I couldn’t keep my experience a secret. I had something to share. Something that could change their lives. And I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I wanted to free women all over the world from their self-punishment cage.

This calling led me to a change in careers. I went from a somewhat successful acting career to being an entrepreneur. Had you told me five years ago that I would be working with women, guiding them to a greater love of their bodies, I would’ve thought you were crazy. But, that’s the thing about a calling. A deep desire to share something you’ve experienced. It doesn’t let you go.

So, I formed my own company called bodyheart. An organization devoted to liberating women from their body-punishment prison. Our mission is to change not only women, but the world.

I believe the world will be a better place when women are free to shine and one area where we continue to oppress ourselves is through our relationship with our bodies. How we feel inside our bodies and what we think about our bodies affects EVERYTHING we do. So, when we can define our own standards of beauty and celebrate all we have, then we are FREE.
This is what bodyheart offers. Our courses are geared towards helping women find CONFIDENCE and FREEDOM within themselves, especially in relationship to their bodies. You can actually experience some of our work for free on our homepage.

Our campaign is a statement of how worthy and gorgeous we already are. I wanted to show the current media that un-retouched images can be stunning! I wanted women to witness REAL Beauty - their own real beauty - and let that affect how they think about their bodies. I also wanted women to start thinking about the parts of their bodies that they love, instead of what they hate.

This campaign has taken on a life of it’s own, and it is available to you should you choose to be a part of it. We accept submissions from women all over the world. You can find out more about it here.

To you, reading this post, I believe you are already on this path of greater acceptance, love & freedom or you wouldn’t be on this page right now. And, I want to say thank you for lighting the way. Thank you for leading by example and cracking open the beauty oppression we’ve bought into for so long.

Change begins with one. And soon that one allows another to take a step onto the new path and then another and another . . . and that is how paradigm shifts are created.
Way to be a part of the change.

Peace & Pleasure,

Amber

Guiltless Leaving My Family

We received this delightful blog post from a reader and just couldn't wait to share it! Listen while Diane shares how she learned to let go of guilt while moving far away from family.

Have you ever felt guilty leaving your family for an adventure or a relationship that you truly wanted to pursue? Has the guilt overcome you so much that you find yourself not fully able to connect to that relationship or adventure? It's like you really want to be there but your guilt is holding you back. I often see a mental picture of guilt as a pause button on your life. Do you feel that as soon as you release the guilt that your life will propel you fully into your new gig? I often think so.

I am 31 years old and come from a very close family where no one moves away. Not that my family would disapprove, in fact they are quite supportive of anything I am passionate about. Yet my guilt for leaving them to pursue my own dreams often makes my path one of struggle and indecision. One thing I've learned about indecision is that it's incredibly challenging to feel grounded and move forward in life. So here I am, in a wonderful relationship with my dreamy surfer boy. We have 2 lovely dogs and are cultivating something so sacred and beautiful that I said yes when asked to spend 6 months away from family to join him on the East Coast. We are originally based in San Diego, California. Naturally I said yes and that's when the guilt crept in. It sounded like this...

Is my family going to be ok without me? Should I have just stayed and spent time with my family and let him go to the East Coast on his own? Am I sacrificing precious memories with my family in pursuit of this relationship and is it worth it?

So I arrived and tried to settle into our new adventure and found myself so torn, unable to connect with my boyfriend and our new friends. I found myself falling deeper and deeper into despair feeling that I had made a mistake moving out here. I then felt angry with myself for leaving my family in pursuit of a relationship. I mean, how dare I leave the family when my parents are getting older, my brother needs my motivation to stay focused in his life and my sister needs a hand with her new baby? How dare I pursue my own life and possibly star my own family?

Then a funny thing happened. My mom called. She was worried and knew exactly what was going on. She asked me to open to her and through much resistance I finally let my superwoman guard down and allowed myself to be her scared daughter. She asked what I was so afraid of, and through hours of conversation and many tears I admitted the guilt I felt for wanting my own life without worrying about them. She laughed and comforted me in a way only a good mother could and said the words I could not find a way to tell myself. Those words were, "We're fine, now go live your life. Please!"

Her words set me free and cut the heart strings that pulled me back from embracing the fullness of life that had been present the whole time. Yet I couldn't see it under the shroud of guilt. Since then, I am more aware of how guilt stops you and how it's simply another form of fear. Since then many things have changed as I learn to get out of my own way and truly let myself have what it is I want. The true blessing is realizing that what I want is exactly what I have, it has been here the whole time just waiting for me to participate. Now I am guiltless and free. -Diane

Want to read more? Check out Diane's gorgeous blog and follow her on twitter @simplyfreckled

Love After Love

Love after Love

by Derek Walcott

The time will come

when, with elation,

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door,

in your own mirror,

and each will smile at the other's welcome

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread.

Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Imperfection is Beauty?

Guiltless Recommends: Body Gossip

We do a lot of gossiping about bodies. So why not make it positive?

I love the British website Body Gossip. Never heard of it? It's a powerful campaign about body image. From their website:

"We're collecting real people's stories about their real bodies. Because realistic beauty needs celebrating and supporting. You don't need to be a writer - just write truthfully about your body!"

Founder Ruth Rodgers collected stores from real people about their real bodies and collected them into series of poems, scripts, and the beginnings of a play, film and book. It's a gorgeous work in progress.

This powerful poem about recovery from eating disorders could bring tears to your eyes:

Check out the stories on their website , watch their videos on YouTube and follow them on Twitter @_bodygossip

The wisdom of 20

I find that I am constantly proud of my friends and family. Everyday there is something that just makes my smile and appreciate them even more. On Friday I logged in to Facebook and about started jumping up and down with joy when I read my sister's "status":
AMEN!

Whether it be at 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100+ the revelation of body acceptance is spectacular!

Do you love your body the way it is? If so when did you start? And if not, what is stopping you?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Self-respect is the fruit of discipline... ~Abraham J. Heschel

A few days ago, I was asked the following question:

"On Guiltless, you promote self-love despite a person's perceived shortcomings. Does that mean I can eat cake all day and never exercise again but still be content with myself?"

Interesting thought. Let me explain why self-love does not equal the end self-care.

The root of the message here is actually self-respect. When we respect our bodies, we take care of ourselves, both physically and mentally. The self-love we promote is an inner thought process leading to true friendship with oneself. If a dear friend said to you, "I didn't exercise today, so I'm not going to eat dinner," how would you reply? I would tell my friend to allow him/herself to take a break physically and to eat in a way that will nourish his/her skin, muscles, bones, and blood. I would say, "Friend, you are being way too hard on your beautiful self."

Photo Credit

Too often do we beat ourselves up over decisions we make according to what our bodies tell us. Sometimes, our bodies will tell us that we are tired and we need a break. Or sometimes, we may want a treat or what we once thought of as a "guilty pleasure." It's the response we have to these desires that tests our self-love. Instead of becoming angry with ourselves and setting out to achieve extreme, unrealistic, and often unhealthy goals, we should be guiltless and mindful and honor the needs of our bodies. But this doesn't mean we should eat cake all day and stop exercising. It means we should nourish our bodies with good food and physically exert ourselves in a way that makes us feel good, while also allowing to break when we need it and indulge in moderation without judgment.

Therefore, once you know what self r-e-s-p-e-c-t means to you, it will be easier to let yourself flow in life. That's why I love yoga so much. During the yoga flow, you never know what thoughts may arise or what aches and pains might come up, but you keep going, striving for inner peace. The yoga flow is just like life in this way. We come across thoughts, emotions, and sore spots throughout life which often create obstacles to our objectives, but like the popular saying goes, "If you fall, get up and try, try again."

How will you honor yourself today?

Are you satisfied in bed?

I had a very interesting conversation this past weekend about the importance of being satisfied in bed. No, not sexually. Get your minds out of the gutter! I'm talking sheets, pillows, down comforters, shams, thread counts, etc, etc. "Why in the world is she talking about bedding on a blog about self-love, positive body image, and self-appreciation," you may be wondering. Read on and you will understand.

For a very long time, I neglected my bed. I was going through a rather hard time in my life, so the comfort of my bed was literally the last thing on my mind. My sheets didn't really fit the mattress, my single pillow was pretty old, my comforter cover had missing buttons, and making the bed consisted of pulling the comforter up far enough so the messy sheets underneath were hidden. I would often fall asleep on the couch, but if I happened to make it to the bedroom, I'd often wake up in the morning on the actual mattress because the sheets had popped off at some point during the night. It was no way to sleep, but at the time I didn't notice, or at least, I didn't care. What I didn't realize was that maybe it wasn't so much that I didn't care about the bed, but maybe it was a symbol of my own self-neglect.

This weekend, I was driving in the car with Richie as we discussed the importance of a comfortable bed. We talked about how he once was in the same boat as I was bed-wise: neglectful, somewhat careless about the appearance and tidiness of the bed, treating the bed as a place to just pass out at night, but not conscious of the comfort-level. It just so happens that he was also going through a rough spot in life. And then one day when he was actively trying to improve himself and his life, he realized that it was time for a bed upgrade. He saw this as a form of self-love - investing in extremely comfortable bedding was a way to make his alone time and sleep time at night special - a treat for himself - a practice of self love. I never thought of it like this before! But it makes perfect sense! To Richie, upgrading his bed was just one step toward making himself a happier person, but it was an incredibly important step.

I've known Richie my whole life, but when we reconnected as adults, he noticed the disarray and discomfort of my bed. Of course, being a perfect gentlemen, he did not mention anything about it. But he did take action and soon became my bed fixer-upper. He covered it in white Egyptian cotton with down comforters, plush pillows and sheets that fit the feather-bed covered mattress. It's clean and made every morning, and it is the most comfortable bed I've ever had. Once my bed had its makeover, I started to realize how long I neglected it. I felt, and still feel, so much gratitude for Richie for coming into my life and fixing that bed - or maybe, more symbolically, encouraging me to fix other things in my own life in order to make me happier.

Rich and I knew each other as kids, and it really hit me when he said to me in that car, "I was surprised that your bed was like that when we reconnected, because as a kid, your bed was always so awesome." He was right. I was due for a bed-makeover just as I was long overdue for a little self appreciation. And again, it was only one step in that direction, but it was a step that opened my eyes to how important it is to create your own peaceful atmosphere when ending or beginning the day.

Your bed is a place where you seek rest, peace, and rejuvenation. It's the place where you do a lot of intense thinking and soul searching. It's where you will start each day and end each night. When you think about it this way, the bed seems like the most important location in your life! And as I learned over the weekend, it's a great place to start when it comes to self appreciation. Saving up and investing in your favorite bedding is truly investing in yourself. Call me crazy, but this is the first time I've ever made this connection. It marks the beginning of a very comfortable future with many restful nights, happy mornings, and self-love.

What is your bed like? Do you see this as a symbol of how you treat yourself? Is it time for an upgrade? Your thoughts are always appreciated!

Being Free: Libero Networkd & ExposED

I had the wonderful opportunity of interviewing an amazing Eating Disorder Awareness champion Lauren Bersaglio. I first got to know Lauren on Twitter, and found the work she was doing amazing! She Authors ExposED Blog and founded the Libero Free network-dedicated to eating disorder recovery. Read on as she explains why loving yourself is so important and swears that recovery from disordered eating is possible!

Tell me a little bit about yourself. How did you become a recovery warrior?

When I was 17 I developed an eating disorder that took on various forms for the next four years. I dealt with anorexia, anorexia athletics, binge eating, bulimia, and long periods of disordered eating. The turning point for me was at the beginning of 2010 when my Bulimia had driven me to fear food entirely and so I went several days without eating - at this point I was frightened for my own health and so I went to one of my professors who is also one of my mentors. I asked him how long I could survive like this - without eating - to which he replied that without food I could live thirty days. It was in this moment that I realized I was not ready to die. I wanted to live! And so I staged my own intervention; I called together friends and family and sat in front of them and said "I do not want to stop, but I want to want to stop." And then I asked them to please not make me stop, but help me get to the place where I wanted to stop. It took a few hours, but I got to that point where I wanted to stop and that is when I entered into recovery. After this intervention, the same professor, knowing that I am a writer, suggested that I write something for the school paper, and so I sat down and wrote out my story and it got published and for the first time I was free from the secret. It was in that moment that I realized I wanted to not only recover, but I wanted to use my life as an example that recovery is possible and there is hope - there is ALWAYS hope. I graduated from Recovery at the beginning of this year - it was a long process and there were slips and trips along the way, but you know what they say, slow and steady wins the race, and I won!

-What is the message or mission that you are working to spread

I want to spread the word that there is hope for recovery from an eating disorder (and any other addiction) - I am living proof. And I want to be a living example that you can learn to love yourself the way you are today and I want to show the world that true beauty is found only on the inside and that self-worth cannot be measured by any scale, tape measure, or cultural “ideal”.

What is the Libero free network? what inspired you to create it?

The Libero Network is a network of bloggers who blog about their journeys through and recovery from issues such as eating disorders, addictions, and depression. It is a pretty unbelievable story how it all began. I was lying in bed, just about to fall asleep (I think it was about 1 am) and then I got a feeling, I felt that I was supposed to start a Facebook Page. So I got out of bed and created the libero page on facebook (www.facebook.com/libero.free) - at the time I didn't know what the direction was for this page, I just knew I was meant to create it. I came up with the name Libero because that is what I entitled my first article that was published in the school newspaper. I am Italian, and Libero is the Italian word for free. Our slogan is the Anne Lamott quote: "Only freedom from fears, freedom from lies, can make us beautiful, and keep us safe." Libero grew far quicker than I though it would, it went from a single facebook page promoting healthy body image to a page with far more followers than I'd ever imagined, and my blog Expos(ED) as well as my YouTube channel. At the beginning of 2011 I began planning where I wanted Libero to go in the future and that's when I came up with the idea of the Libero Network - I wanted to expand beyond me (because Libero was never meant to be about me) and the topic of eating disorders into other issues that people deal with such as depression and addictions. I started accepting guest blogger posts and then in the last month I signed on the first Libero Network Blogger (who isn't me) Christian Sawka - he writes on his journey through depression. Our mission is to promote self-love and acceptance by sharing our stories of recovery from eating disorders, depression, and addictions and our vision is that all people will see themselves as beautiful.

In your opinion why have eating disorders become such a huge problem in our society?
I hate to blame the media; however, I feel they cannot be left out in the answer to this question. One important thing I always like to stress is the concept of who the media really is. The media is not Angelina Jolie or any of the models we see on these magazines (I feel they are simply victim to the same unrealistic pressures that we are), it is difficult to pinpoint exactly who 'The Media' is - the photo editors? but they are just doing their jobs, the magazine editors? well they are just looking for what sells...The origin of this monster I do not know, all I know is that societal pressure is a major contributor to negative body image. However, I also feel that one's upbringing, life experiences, and coping mechanisms all play a role as well.

What is one thing each of us can do to start putting an end to eating disorders and disordered eating?

I think the best thing we all can do is say no - say NO to the "ideal" image being forced on us, say NO to buying the magazines that promote this unrealistic concept that all women should look a certain way, and, most importantly, say NO to the multi-billion dollar diet industry that tells us that the answer to all our problems with ourselves is weight loss, which can only be achieved through restriction, food rules, and As Seen On TV exercise equipment. The key to healthy living is exactly what your blog stands for: living guiltless, which results in what Libero stands for: being free.

Why is guilt towards food and our bodies such a bad thing?

Food is meant to nourish us to keep us alive. Full stop. We were never meant to feel guilty about it. There are no 'food' rules. The minute you start placing rules on what you can and cannot eat, you begin to imprison yourself. And what happens is, over time, you become completely enslaved by all these 'rules' that hold no real meaning and then, heaven forbid, if you break any of these rules, you then are filled with guilt. The problem with the guilt factor is, it makes you feel terrible about yourself and, in turn, you typically then feel you need to be punished, which is done by either excessive restriction, over-exercise, or over-consumption. When it comes to our body, I feel the problem is that we separate ourselves from it, and in doing so it makes us feel OK about punishing, hating, and even abusing it. However, when you enter into a war against your body (which is like going into battle against yourself) you cannot win. What we need to do is accept our bodies as part of us, and see that our body is part of our team and we need to work together with it not against it. A great resource on learning how to remove guilt from food and love your body is Geneen Roth's book Women, Food, and God.

What is one thing we can do right now to increase our self compassion?

I will answer this with one of my favourite quotes, it's by Alan Cohen: "To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now."


Follow the ExposED Blog
Find ExposED on Facebook

The Self Compassion Diet-An interview with Jean Fain

Jean Fain, is a licensed psychotherapist and a teaching associate in psychiatry at Cambridge Health Alliance, a teaching affiliate of Harvard Medical School. She has dedicated her work to helping others keep physically, emotionally and mentally fit. In her book The Self-Compassion Diet, Fain synthesizes the cutting-edge research and current psychological theory, as well as sharing guided meditations and visualizations to increase self-compassion for greater health.
“Most dieters try to ‘kill cravings’ and break habits with self-discipline,” Fain says, “but only self-kindness can help quiet the shame that traditional diets instill and establish a harmonious relationship with food.”We interviewed her for Guiltless, and she shared some of her top suggestions for increasing self-compassion in YOUR lif!

-What is your expertise?

I'm a Harvard Medical School-affiliated psychotherapist specializing in eating issues.

-What are the basic principles of the self-compassion diet?

When you treat yourself like a friend or a loved one -- with self-compassion --- you're more apt to eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full; rest when you're tired and move when you feel energized. Do that, and you'll lose weight naturally.

What prompted you to write this book?

My clients. They're really hard on herself. They feed themselves a steady diet of self-criticism and expect that'll somehow inspire them to lose weight once and for all. But they've got it backward: self-criticism -- calling yourself "fat," "disgusting" and other mean, nasty names -- that's a recipe for emotional overeating and weight gain. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is the missing ingredient in every diet and a simple recipe for decreasing emotional eating and losing weight.

-Why is self compassion necessary for permanent weightloss/health?

A steady diet of self-compassion helps you feel calmer, less reactive and better able to take care of yourself.

-Can you lose weight in a way that maintains self-care and respect?

That's exactly what I prescribe: self-care and -respect. Eating without care, treating yourself disrespectfully, that's a set up for overeating and gaining weight.

-What is one thing we can all do to foster a more positive relationship with our bodies and food?

Treat yourself like a friend. Rather than calling yourself "fat" or "disgusting," ask yourself: "How ARE you?" "What do you need?" "How can you help??"

Fain’s asserts that kindness, not discipline, is the missing ingredient in every diet and most other weight-loss plans is supported by a growing body of scientific evidence. Research psychologists have found that, for veteran dieters, a little self-compassion goes a long way toward curbing the self-critical thoughts and emotional distress that fuel overeating. For example:

• A landmark 2007 Wake Forest study found that subjects who cultivated self-compassion did not indulge in emotional overeating. In contrast, rigid dieters with their characteristic critical mindset, reflexively overindulged despite their best intentions. This reflex to reach for food in the face of self-criticism helps explain why yo-yo dieters end up with more weight gain than loss.

• A group of University of Wisconsin neuroscientists conducted MRI brain-imaging studies of Buddhist monks meditating on loving-kindness. Compassion, it turns out, is literally mind-altering! Not only does cultivating an attitude of loving-kindness stimulate the parts of the brain associated with empathy and maternal love (the insula and the temporal parietal junction) in men and women, it promises to dampen activity in the brain areas associated with depression and anxiety.

• Indeed, while most researchers have measured the difference self-compassion makes in a single day, Kristin Neff, the University of Texas professor found that ongoing self-compassion training, worked like antidepressants without the side effects over the duration of the study.

If you are looking for other ways to increase self-compassion, Fain recommends the following techniques and meditations:

1. Metta or Loving-Kindness Meditation

Although books have been written on this traditional Eastern meditation, it can be boiled down to the following phrases: “May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease.” The meditation starts with “I” phrases; continues with “you”; then finishes with “we” — extending loving-kindness to others only after first bestowing it upon yourself. Note: Feel free to customize Metta to your liking. The idea is to compose short, meaningful statements that convey the universal wish for happiness and freedom from suffering. Easy to remember, Metta is a ready response to the fear and self-loathing that can and so often does derail diets.

2. Compassionate Advisor

Here’s a powerful guided visualization based on the assumption that a wise, compassionate advisor lives within us all. By imagining a guide (and it can be anyone who embodies compassion—Mother Teresa, Gandhi, a sister, maybe a pet) and then focusing on his/her loving qualities, subjects have gained new perspective, greater self-acceptance and a much-needed sense of relief.

3. A Compassionate Note to Self

Getting deep concerns down on paper is not only a great way to ease emotional distress, it’s a proven method for bolstering a positive outlook. This practice calls for 15 to 20 minutes of uninterrupted writing per day in which you unload personal angst about a current predicament, and follow it with comforting words from an imagined pen pal.

4. Compassionate Glasses

This practice teaches practitioners how to view the body with an objective, forgiving and even appreciative eye—imperfections and all. It calls for trying on two pairs of imaginary glasses—one with distorted lenses and one more compassionate pair. The distorted pair with its hyper-critical view is all too familiar, but the contrast between the two is notable. The loving lens provides a more balanced, healthier perspective as well as a greater sense of calm and well-being.

Thank you Jean for sharing all this valuable information!

Do you think self-compassion is the secret to weight maintenence and overall health?

Mind, Body, Spirit...and Money

"Enough is not an amount. It's a relationship to what you already have." -Geneen Roth

By: Stephanie Horton

One of my favorite female voices, Geneen Roth, visited Boston yesterday for a public reading of her new book Lost and Found at the Boston Public Library. During her captivating reading, Roth discussed one the least talked about subjects among women: Money.

I read Roth's book Women Food, and God a few months back, and it definitely influenced my perception of my relationship with food. As someone who loves cooking and eating and all things food, I consider my relationship with food to be a decent one, however, definitely not lacking its ups and downs. For a long time, certain foods were "bad" in my mind while others were "reward worthy." But after some soul searching, which included reading Women Food and God, I soon believed that all food is good, all food is nourishment for the body, and the food I choose to eat is nourishment for my soul.

Food is love

In Roth's Women Food, and God, she beautifully discusses our relationships with food, our bodies, our lives, our happiness, and how they are all intricately intertwined. One of my favorite lines from Women Food and God: "When you begin to inhabit your body from the inside, any other option except taking care of it is unthinkable." This line is consistent with how I've been thinking (and counseling) lately. If you love your body, you'll respect your body, and the decisions you make about your body will automatically be good for it. This is the idea behind self-love. Roth's inspiring novel encouraged me to stay body-positive, and to appreciate my body and the food I put into it like I had never done before. Roth is, without question, a guiltless icon. And now she's embarking on an even more difficult subject (certainly a difficult one for me): Women's relationships with money.

Geneen Roth

It seems the lovely author is at it again with her new book Lost and Found. Our relationships with food can be a lot like our relationships with money, and this is a concept that is seldom understood or discussed. In her new book, Roth explores this relationship by discussing her own personal catastrophes and journeys with her own relationship with money. After her financial manager deceived her for so many years, Roth and her husband Matt lost 30 years of life savings to a ponzie scheme. By reaching deep into her thoughts and emotions on this event, Roth inspires her readers to think more about their own relationships with finances. Roth describes her purpose in writing Lost and Found:



"I hardly have the words to tell you what it was like to see the exact same patterns with money as I'd once had with food. I splurged the way I once binged, and budgeted the way I once dieted. I lied about the money I had in the same way that I once lied about how much I ate. I rationalized buying sweaters on sale in the same way that I once rationalized eating broken cookies (because when the cookies break the calories break)."

Gosh, this sounds scarily familiar.

She continues to explain:

"I wrote LOST AND FOUND because..I wanted you to be able to have the knowledge and the tools to not only come out of the darkness with money, no matter how much you have or don't have, but to turn the light on inside your own mind, your own heart. Money, like food, is something you touch, think about, and deal with every single day, and so its effect on your well-being is profound. And because of its presence in our lives, it, like food, is both an expression of our beliefs about worth, joy and enough and a doorway to the heart of your heart—and what you are truly worth."

Our relationships with money are incredibly important to our futures, just as our relationships with food are. We have the love we need inside. It's just a matter of locating it and actually feeling it, and allowing it to settle into our daily lives and behaviors. The goal is for the love to become the foundation from which we thrive (and in this particular case, eat and spend). It's books like these that will accompany us on our journey.

See Geneen Roth speak about Lost and Found in a location near you: Geneen Roth's Book Tour Schedule.

How does your relationship with money influence your self perception? Does it? Should it?

Do you see a connection in your own life between your relationship with eating and your relationship with spending?

Thank you. Be well. And enjoy the day.

This Valentines Day Fall back in love with YOU

Oh Valentine's Day. A special day to celebrate love, which can be wonderful for starry-eyed lovers, turn singles to romance movies and Ben and Jerrys, and paints the town red and pink. But everyday, everywhere, everyone wants to be loved. More than money, more than beauty, more than “things” many of us are just searching for love. Not to sound cliche, but how can you expect others to love you if you loathe yourself? We seek out pure and unconditional love, but how many of us grant ourselves that gift?

In a stunning new survey done exclusively by Glamour, young women recorded an average of 13 brutal thoughts about their bodies each day (some had as many as 35, 50 or even 100!). 300 women of all sizes from across the country were asked to note every negative or anxious thought they had about their bodies over the course of one full day. The results shocked us—97 percent admitted to having at least one “I hate my body” moment. I have some news for you: obsessing about what you eat or look like doesn’t make you look any better. In fact, it can just make things worse. Much worse.

So this Valentine's day, as you give some love to your mother, brother, sister, lover, share a little bit of love with yourself. It is your right to fall so deeply in love with yourself. Gift yourself the gift of accepting the person you are today, right now in this moment and love him or her, all of you this Valentine’s Day.

Show yourself a little self love this valentines day:

• Write a list of 5 things you love about you today.
• Say "Stop" out. loud. next time you have a negative body thought.
• Give yourself some me time: Take a long bath. Read a book. Go for a walk. Write your future self a message
• Focus on health, strength, joy and energy rather than weight: Eat and engage in physical activity that makes you feel great rather than tired and drained.
• Appreciate your body for what it does, rather than how it looks.

image source

Be confident. You are beautiful, sexy and deserving of all the love in the world! Happy Valentine's Day!

My Compliments To You

Before I get into the subject of today’s post, I’d like to start off with a side note. I heard a quote on NPR during the drive to work earlier this week that really stuck with me. “If your compassion doesn’t include yourself, it’s incomplete.” I’ve always been a compassionate person, but rarely did that compassion include me. In fact, I would often sacrifice my own happiness without flinching if I believed it would bring happiness to others. Does this sound familiar? The goal is to stay compassionate for others while remaining thoughtful of ourselves. I hope this quote sticks with you as much as it did with me. It’s thoughts like these that keep us learning and progressing.

And now on to today’s post:

The Art of Accepting a Compliment

AB: You look great.

CD: (bashfully) I’m really tired and my hair is a mess.

EF: You’re body is beautiful.

GH: (hesitant) Thanks. I was in much better shape over the summer.

HI: Wow, you ran that whole race? I’m impressed.

JK: (disappointed) I didn’t run fast enough.

LM: You have such a nice home.

NO: (embarrassed) It’s a total mess in here!

PQ: You have great hair.

RS: (surprised) I really need to schedule a cut.

TU: That is impressive work. Well done.

VW: (frustrated) If only I had one more day to work on it, it could have been better.

XY: I love your smile.

Z: (stops smiling)

Familiar?

There are many reasons why accepting a compliment may be difficult for a person. Maybe he/she feels that accepting a compliment makes him/her vain or conceited. Or perhaps, the receiver of the compliment doesn’t believe it. Maybe it’s even just an old habit! Whatever the cause, when given a compliment, it feels so much better to just smile and say “thank you!”

Accepting a compliment is often viewed as a social grace or a form of etiquette. However, it is also reflective of our confidence. A thoughtful smile and a sincere “thank you” are not only ways to be polite to those giving you the compliment; they are also the ways to be polite to yourself.

Let’s practice a little.

Once per day for a week or two, look at yourself in the mirror and pay yourself one compliment. After you do so, smile and thank yourself. Yes, I know this sounds a little silly. You don’t even have to do this out loud if you don’t want to! But if you do this for one week, the next time you receive a compliment, you might be surprised about how that compliment will affect you! Maybe instead of feeling uncomfortable or awkward, you’ll internalize it, and for the rest of the day, you’ll know that someone out there thinks highly of you or something you did.

My compliment of the day goes out to Katy Perry for writing the most motivational song of the year! "Ignite the light and let it shine..." Gives me chills every time...

Be well and enjoy the day!

Do you recall a time when you felt awkward about accepting a compliment?