Friday, October 14, 2011

Guiltless Leaving My Family

We received this delightful blog post from a reader and just couldn't wait to share it! Listen while Diane shares how she learned to let go of guilt while moving far away from family.

Have you ever felt guilty leaving your family for an adventure or a relationship that you truly wanted to pursue? Has the guilt overcome you so much that you find yourself not fully able to connect to that relationship or adventure? It's like you really want to be there but your guilt is holding you back. I often see a mental picture of guilt as a pause button on your life. Do you feel that as soon as you release the guilt that your life will propel you fully into your new gig? I often think so.

I am 31 years old and come from a very close family where no one moves away. Not that my family would disapprove, in fact they are quite supportive of anything I am passionate about. Yet my guilt for leaving them to pursue my own dreams often makes my path one of struggle and indecision. One thing I've learned about indecision is that it's incredibly challenging to feel grounded and move forward in life. So here I am, in a wonderful relationship with my dreamy surfer boy. We have 2 lovely dogs and are cultivating something so sacred and beautiful that I said yes when asked to spend 6 months away from family to join him on the East Coast. We are originally based in San Diego, California. Naturally I said yes and that's when the guilt crept in. It sounded like this...
Is my family going to be ok without me? Should I have just stayed and spent time with my family and let him go to the East Coast on his own? Am I sacrificing precious memories with my family in pursuit of this relationship and is it worth it?

So I arrived and tried to settle into our new adventure and found myself so torn, unable to connect with my boyfriend and our new friends. I found myself falling deeper and deeper into despair feeling that I had made a mistake moving out here. I then felt angry with myself for leaving my family in pursuit of a relationship. I mean, how dare I leave the family when my parents are getting older, my brother needs my motivation to stay focused in his life and my sister needs a hand with her new baby? How dare I pursue my own life and possibly star my own family?

Then a funny thing happened. My mom called. She was worried and knew exactly what was going on. She asked me to open to her and through much resistance I finally let my superwoman guard down and allowed myself to be her scared daughter. She asked what I was so afraid of, and through hours of conversation and many tears I admitted the guilt I felt for wanting my own life without worrying about them. She laughed and comforted me in a way only a good mother could and said the words I could not find a way to tell myself. Those words were, "We're fine, now go live your life. Please!"

Her words set me free and cut the heart strings that pulled me back from embracing the fullness of life that had been present the whole time. Yet I couldn't see it under the shroud of guilt. Since then, I am more aware of how guilt stops you and how it's simply another form of fear. Since then many things have changed as I learn to get out of my own way and truly let myself have what it is I want. The true blessing is realizing that what I want is exactly what I have, it has been here the whole time just waiting for me to participate. Now I am guiltless and free. -Diane

Want to read more? Check out Diane's gorgeous blog and follow her on twitter

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