Be Confident

Confidence is an elusive trait sometimes. You want it but you can't seem to find it. Sometimes it seems to be dangling right in front of your face, but you can't reach it. Do you ever feel like it is also infectious? That when you are around other confident people you start to feel more confident? Or maybe it doesn't work that way-maybe you feel even more insecure when being around those more confident.

In self-care and improving self-esteem confidence in yourself, and your decisions can mean the difference between feeling great and feeling blah. So how to we step our confidence up a notch?

 

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• Practice Eye Contact. Yes it can be scary, but nothing screams "I'm completely in control and comfortable with who I am" like eye contact. Sometimes you need to practice it before you even feel that way. But change the behavior and your thoughts will follow. 

image source and more great eye contact advice

• Repeat a Mantra. In your head. "I am strong, confident and amazing." "I feel confident, strong and beautiful" Create your own!
• Know that failure is necessary for growth. without failing we can not learn, and can not succeed. Learn from your failures and move on. 
• Avoid nervous tics. Stop picking at your fingernails, tugging your clothes and twirling your hair obsessively. Walk into a room/situation standing tall, shoulders back and head up. Exude confidence. 
• Ask for support. A reassuring friend can always inspire confidence. Don't be afraid to ask when you need a confidence boost. Maybe find a confidence buddy?

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Confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear. 

Be guiltless about it!

Whatever I wish to do, I do

I don't feel guilt. Whatever I wish to do, I do.
-Jeanne Moreau, French Actress

Here's to a Guiltless week!

Inadequate Monster

have you met the inadequate monster? or maybe his sister the imperfect demon? the can surprise you in moments when you thought you were pretty confident. or sometimes they lurk for days, weeks, months, years. Telling you you're not good enough. That no matter what you do you're still a failure.

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Banishing your inadequate monster and imperfect demons isn't an easy task. Unfortunately heavy swords, garlic cloves don't work well, and a prince in shining armor won't get very far. Because even when you've found that prince, those monsters can still find you. 

What can you use to fight these monster? I've found mantras help a lot. (need some ideas-go here) It's like your spell to keep those demons away. 10 deep breaths always help. In every situation. Sitting with the feeling and exploring why it's there, and what past events may have triggered it, is a good first step in telling it to leave you alone. Because you need to protect yourself. To get on with your life and leave those demons slayed behind you.

Best of luck in your battle! What will your sword be?

Let Go of the Guilt

Guilt can weigh you down. And most of us feel guilt over things that do not warrant it like taking time for ourselves, eating a food we've previously labeled as "bad", forgetting to call someone back, leaving the dishes in the sink, purchasing new clothes, you name it! The list goes on and on. But if we harp on these things, we are spending too much energy on undeserved guilt and not enough focus on the great things life has to offer. Once you put down the guilt, the weight of the world seems a little lighter, and you open yourself up to opportunities that will bring you happiness.

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It's much easier said than done, because we have been conditioning ourselves for a lifetime to feel guilty over things that bring us joy and health like eating, sleeping, sex, shopping, working...the list is exhausting! Can you imagine the amount of time you would have if you stopped wasting it worrying about things? Everyone deals with these feelings, including myself. So join me and take it step by step and really give some thought to how you might build your own path toward enjoying life and appreciating yourself for who you are.  

Let us know what you're thinking and how you plan to achieve your goals for less guilt. Better yet, send a guest post to iamguiltless@gmail.com. We love hearing from you.

Abusive Relationship

It seems like every day a new client comes into my office in a very abusive relationship. One that I'm always shocked to find that none of her friends, parents or coworkers have ever mentioned anything about. One that has been going on for far too long. One that eats her up inside, but that she can't seem to shake. A very abusive relationship with food. "Yesterday was a good day." "I stayed awake for awhile before bed just thinking about the bad choices I made. Feeling guilty about that ____(piece of cheese, doughnut, cake, meat, you name it!)" "I cut all my meals in half-but my body still won't lose weight." Letting their lives be controlled by food-letting it dictate where they go out to eat, who they see, and what they order. If someone was having that much remorse or joy pulled from their life from an intimate relationship I would hope someone would have intervened to stop it.

And I guess that's my job. To step in and help take the power away from food. Because when we dig ourselves into these abusive relationships with food-where our mood and our self-worth hinge on what we eat, we are giving food an awful lot of power. Food is Food. An inanimate object that is fuel for life. Eating it doesn't make you any better of a person than abstaining. It is just fuel. Not that it can't be delicious, gross, phenomenal, or so-so depending on who cooked it.

It doesn't happen over night. And it takes a lot of work. Especially when you've been dieting on and off for more of your life. Taught that food was the end all be all. That food, and eating less, and getting smaller would make you a better and happier person. Sorry to crush dreams, but that's not where dieting will get you. But maybe it will get you to seek real help. Help to get back in tune with your body and learn again to listen to your hunger, while respecting your fullness. Help to learn about what can really fuel YOUR body-since every body is unique and just not made out for a cookie-cutter diet.

One more note-if you have 2 minutes today I'd love for you to read these true stories of women who quit dieting. I found them so inspiring!

Here's to an empowering and amazing week!

What do you think?

We spend a lot of time thinking about how others perceive us. "Am I wearing the right thing?"... "Did I say the right thing" ... "Do they like me?"..."What will people think of this decision?" The energy and time spent on worrying about what other people will think of your choices is precious and might be better directed toward making sure the decisions you make are right for you.

Have you ever made a decision based on what someone else thinks? Most likely, the answer is "yes." After all, we're only human. For example, imagine your friend asks you to go out for some night time shopping and dinner b/c it's been too long since you've seen each other. However, you have been burning the candle at both ends lately and feel exhausted. What do you do? There is no right answer. But there is a right approach.

This type of simple decision has the potential to send you into a whirlwind of thought. "If I say that I need to go home and just relax, when will I see my friend next? Will she be hurt if I say no? Will I regret my decision?" The energy spent on worrying isn't worth it.

Photo Credit

Listening to your body, understanding what would be best for you and your health, and making a decision based on those things is the approach that will leave you feeling happy - whatever that decision may be. Maybe a night out is exactly what you need to feel refreshed. Or maybe you really need the be on the couch at home. Chances are, whatever decision you make, no one's feelings will be hurt b/c when you do what's best for you, those who care about you would have made the same choice for you.

The example above is just one of many situations like this that we commonly encounter. Life is too short to neglect yourself. Of course, there comes a time and place for sacrifice, because that's just part of having relationships. We should all think we before we speak or act in order to make sure we're expressing ourselves clearly. But sometimes, an overly-analytical mind can backfire. So here's a little Guiltless challenge: Think a little less before you speak or act this week, because chances are, your gut instincts are the right ones. Just a little food for thought! Be well and enjoy the day.

Love your life

Gina sent me this quote and I absolutely love it.

The more time you spend loving the life you've created so far,
the more empowered you'll be to create a life you love.
--Martha Beck

No one's life is perfect. But we can accept and love the life we currently have to make moves to create the life we will continue to love. Much like with our relationship with our bodies and with food, acceptance of the current moment gives us the power to move forward in the direction you would like to see.

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When we love life, it loves us back.

Happy Monday! May it be Guiltless! 

Destroying Guilt

I don’t believe in guilt. I believe in living on impulse as long as you never intentionally hurt another person, and don’t judge people in your life. I think you should live completely free.
-Angelina Jolie

You can't have guilt if you don't believe in it right? More guiltlessness:

• Make motivating/inspirational lucky stars to share with friends and guests in your home. Love this idea shared by our friend Jessica

• Learn these: 20 Things People With A Positive Body Image Know

• How photoshopping alters our perception of beauty: a fantastic post by Beauty Redefined

Have a completely free and Guiltless week!

A Guiltless Birthday

My how time flies. 1 year ago this week Steph and Elizabeth were talking about body image, and decided to stop just talking amongst themselves and start spreading some body love! Change is coming, Elizabeth's moving to Texas, and Stephanie's starting a full-time nutrition communication job, but you can believe we'll be sticking to our 3x a week schedule and sending some guiltless messages out into the universe!
And you can bet on our birthday we'll have our cake and eat it too!

Have you felt yourself grow more comfortable with your body since this time last year? What does the future hold for you! What would you like to see more of from us?

Tips to Stay Guiltless This Summer...

Hi friends! Hope you all had a lovely Independence Day weekend and that you're slowly getting back into the swing of things. Summer is often a time of stress for those who struggle with body image woes. With all the swimsuit action and body-baring outfits, it's all too common to think bad thoughts about our bodies. Let's change that this summer and live guiltlessly through these warm, sunny months! Here are a few tips on how to stay Guiltless this summer:

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1. Just say NO to fat talk!
Instead of asking yourself, "do I look fat in this?" tell yourself, "I look fabulous in this!" If you feel it, you'll be it.
2. Wear that swimsuit confidently!
Don't let that swimsuit fear get to you! Join Curvy Girl and Land's End in National Swimsuit Confidence. Bring it, Bikini!
3. Sweat once a day.
Exercise keeps us healthy and happy. Get some of those good endorphins going with your favorite activity! Or take advantage of the warm weather and try something new! Kayaking? Tennis, perhaps? The sky is the limit!
4. Color your plate.
One of the best things about summer is the fresh produce available. Go to your local farmer's market and pick up a colorful array of your favorite fruits and veggies!
5. Take a break.
Leisure time is SO important. When you're feeling tired or run down from the hectic schedule that is your life, take a break! Lay in the sun by the water, or bring a picnic to your favorite shady spot. Whatever you do, don't get down on yourself for taking some "me" time.
6. Read a book.
It's always nice to get lost in a good book. When you're involved with the characters and the story, everything else tends to melt away. Up next on my list: A debut fiction novel called Learning to Swim by Sara J. Henry. Anyone read it yet?
7. Have fun!
Summer time is fun time. Kick back with your friends, have a fruity cocktail, and soak in the slow days of summer.

Be well, and enjoy the day!

Guilt as a Motivator?

There's a new gym in my neck of the woods. Huge billboards and ads adorn the windows proclaiming that YOU need to "earn your mac n cheese tonight"
Their gimmick to get you inside their doors, clamoring for a membership is to guilt you into working out.

Because the only reason we work out is to burn calories right? Not because it protects our hearts, guards against hypertension, increases endorphins, makes you better in bed, boosts self-confidence and makes us stronger? Nope-the only reason you'll ever see me in the gym is because I just ate, and goddamn it-I feel guilty.

A study that has been getting a lot of press lately claims that guilt is a great motivator for diet change and exercise. But let me ask you-does the end justify the means? Yes guilt may get you to the gym, but it also starts you down a path of self-hatred and distance from your intuition.

Steph & I started Guiltless because we say those around us sabotaging their own health with guilt. Yes, we love healthy food and work out regularly, but we also know the dangers of swearing of dessert forever, classifying foods as good or bad, obsessive exercising and extreme dieting. Compensating for what you eat by working out is a disordered behavior. And not one any one or any gym should be promoting.

So go to the gym. But don't go because you feel guilty about what you just ate. Go because it makes you feel alive, healthy, strong and beautiful! Eliminate all guilt from your diet and fitness regime.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about guilt as a motivator! Leave them in the comment section below!

Why be Guiltless?

We're always asking you to give yourself some slack...to love yourself and appreciate the characteristics that make you who you are. But why? Why should you work on the relationship you have with yourself? When life gets busy, it seems like the first thing that should go on the back burner is your self-image, right? But it shouldn't. Here's why:



Having a positive image of yourself leads to...

1.) Increased self-awareness: When you are more self-aware, you are better equipped to handle whatever life throws at you. Whether it's a challenging project or even simply noticing when you need to take a break, increasing your self awareness is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

2.) Better health: Studies show that those who maintain a positive relationship with themselves are more likely to eat better, exercise more, get more sleep, and lead overall healthier lifestyles. If you love the package you come in, it will pay off both inside and out!

3.) Better relationships: When you're overwhelmed with feeling down about yourself, it's almost impossible to be sensitive to others. You risk unknowingly hurting someone's feelings, or even worse, you may isolate yourself from those who love you. When you have a good relationship with yourself, it makes it much easier to maintain good relationships with loved ones... and it makes it easier for them to show their love for you in return.

4.) Better job performance: When you have the ability to recognize the good qualities about yourself, it will show in your work. Increased confidence will allow you to shine and produce the quality of work you know you are capable of.

5.) Increased interest: When you're feeling good, the world is your oyster. You are more likely to explore, discover, and enjoy life when you're in a good place with yourself.

This is only the tip of the iceberg! There are countless benefits to feeling positive about who you are. Life will inevitably be kind when you're kind to yourself.

Hope everyone is staying warm this wintry week! Be well.

Have you noticed any positive changes in your life lately that you can attribute to your "guiltlessness?"

Let me Tell you a Tale....

by Elizabeth Jarrard

Let me tell you a story that starts with a simple sentence, that can be loaded with meanings. love food.

My brain is full of fond food memories, like rolling out homemade cinnamon rolls with my mom, and smelling sugar and butter laced air waft through the kitchen as we waited for dad to wake up on a lazy Sunday. yes i realize this is bread. i couldn't find the cinnamon roll picture. you get the idea

I could spend my entire life reminiscing over meals if I wanted to. Little things like to piling ketchup on Irish Patsy's at grandma’s house in the abandoned mining town of Butte Montana to sharing crepes so saturated with Grand Mariner in Nice that 2 bites later we were feeling tipsy. Being surprised on my 17^th birthday by my Thai classmates to a huge party at a Korean Hot Pot restaurant in the middle of Bangkok.Diving face first into a watermelon post 20 mile training run in the middle of marathon season, carbo-loading with sweet potatoes and quinoa. The simple goodness of a weekday stirfry to the complex flavors of a 5 course gourmet meal, all adored. Food parties, events, meals, drinks, the way to my heart is possibly through good food.

But even more than I love food, I love talking to people about food and hearing their food story. Our food story isn’t the entire story of being, but since food is the sustenance of life, it often comes front-and center. Our view of the world can be reflected in our food choices. You vote with your fork and share your soul at least three times a day in what you include or exclude in your meals. Since this is often a topic of conversation for me, I have found very few people in the world who have ALWAYS 100% listened to their hungers, who have felt completely guiltless about their eating. Often eating is only intuitive and carefree when we are very young, when the mere existence of a petite strawberry is all you need to be happy.

i know, my fashion sense started at a young age. love the complimentary patterns, right?

What happened in between that time and now? And how can we get back to eating Guiltlessly?? Well the process is different for everyone, but hopefully we can grow and learn from each other. And I believe that starts with sharing your food story. Appreciating the good AND bad days, and learning more about yourself from that.

Join the conversation-what does your food story say about you? Tell me one of your favorite food memories!

Small Victories

by Teresa Miller

I had a moment of triumph sitting around a campfire. Chatting with a couple of friends and making s’mores, I silently asked myself whether I wanted another delicious sandwich of marshmallow, milk chocolate and graham cracker. My answer? No, I don’t think I really want “s’more,” heheh (The voice in my head has a really corny sense of humor). I’m done. And I left it at that.

Why would I consider this a triumph, you ask? Well, having spent the last five years fighting against my body in an attempt to control it, I have recently decided to take the scary step of letting my body speak for itself, and listening to it. Having spent time in self-righteous starvation mode and dealing with the shame of binges more recently, I know the misery and failure of trying to make your body’s appetites conform to your will.

The first thing I did was to allow myself to eat—even if it meant overeating, eating more when I knew I was satisfied already. It was time to let this happen without an overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame—I thought of it as a kind of “getting it out of my system.” If my body got used to the idea that it could have whatever it craved, maybe it would adapt by gradually letting me know it had had enough, and I could allow myself to stop when satisfied. I gave it a try, at least.

The fruits of this effort showed themselves that night around the campfire. Instead of the panicky voice that usually commentates in my head during an event like making s’mores (How much have I had? Do I want more? How much will I regret it?), I found myself leisurely roasting marshmallows and eating fairly unconcernedly while talking with my friends, really listening to and paying attention to our conversation rather than to the voice in my head. After a couple of s’mores, I asked myself the question: Should I eat another one? And, miraculously, when my stomach and sweet tooth replied that they were satisfied, I listened, and let the matter drop.

I realized that: relinquishing the (imaginary) control I have over my body allows it to make its wise voice heard. Oh, and that keeping my attention focused outside of myself—say, on the wonderful friends surrounding me—rather than allowing my obsessions to take over, is an incredibly freeing sensation. I feel I’ve finally taken the first (perhaps obvious) steps toward living guiltlessly. I wish you luck on your own journey!

Guest Post: A weight-y issue

The Theme for Guiltless. this week is WEIGHT, something that is (literally) a weight-y issue for almost all people. My friend Thais wrote this guest post for us, and so we're reversing the post schedule for this week, by starting with her take on weight.

Hello everyone, my name is Thais and I write a blog titled Living in the k(N)ow. Elizabeth asked me to write a special post for this blog and I was more than happy to oblige. I think this blog is doing powerful things and I am happy to be a member of the movement.

This morning I went to the doctor’s office for a normal check up and first thing they asked was for me to step on a scale. I immediately felt repulsed and asked if they could please not state the weight out loud. I cringed for the duration of the process and kept my eyes squeezed shut. Next they asked for me to step up against the wall to check my height. I attitude was noticeably different and I was filled with curiosity to know how much I have grown.

Why is it that our society has programmed us girls to be embarrassed about our weight? Yet finding out how tall we are can be an exciting adventure. When people state I have small wrists or a small feet I don’t consider that a compliment- just a fact. But if someone were to tell me I look skinny or how good those jeans fit, I feel like a million bucks. Does this make sense? If you are a size 6 or a size 16, does it ultimately matter? If you are eating healthy, exercising, and overall treating your body the way it deserves to be treated- why is there such a heavy conscience when it comes to weight?

The bottom line is that the obsession we place on food and weight is simply unhealthy. There is more to life than just a few numbers on a scale. And to think- just a few hundred years ago the fatter you were the more you were considered regal and well enough endowed to not have to work for your wealth. Our media has placed a huge burden on us and technology has not helped.

A great way to change our focus back to the important things in life is to breathe. The general response I receive when I say that is “but I breathe everyday!” This type of breathing is a bit more specialized. It involves attuning ourselves back to our bodies. Feeling ourselves and being in the present moment. Only through this attunement will we discover what we truly desire- whether it be that chocolate cake or an extra mile in our morning run. Breathing and focusing our attention on the now will slowly shift the mentality towards our friends, our families, our studies, and away from society’s obsession with pounds. It also truly helps feeling lighter and guiltless. We deserve the very best of this world!

If you’re interested in reading up more about spirituality and how it connects to our daily lives check out my blog! And remember- you are beautiful.

Love, Thais

Thank you Thais! Do you let the number on the scale define YOU? how does checking your weight affect your self-esteem? check back later this week for Stephanie and Elizabeth's take!

You are Beautiful

by Elizabeth Jarrard

I ran with my sports bra on for the first time today. Now before you go thinking I’m a bra burning radical who likes to run free and wild in the woods, let me finish my story. But like all good stories, this one begins long long ago, in a far away place.

I was fortunate enough to be raised in a family where good self-esteem was fostered. My parents never placed an emphasis on physical beauty; instead we were always praised for our kindness, brains, and attitude about life. We were taught that we could do anything, and we didn't have to have the perfect butt, hair or abs to get far in life. Well, I also didn't live in a bubble my entire life, somewhere down the line, as I left the protective nest of my home I started to see all the negative body images that abound in the "real world." The siren song of "Perfection" calls out to us from every magazine, tv show, billboard ad and website. It is very easy to start second-guessing yourself, and comparing yourself to this bombardment of images. Stomachs can always be flatter, waists smaller, and thighs slimmer. Positive body image is seen as egotistical, and arrogant. You are much more likely to hear "Does this dress make me look fat?" than "I look great tonight!" We are bombarded with messages that our bodies are not good enough, that we should be ashamed of them, that they need to hidden until we emerge from a 60 day “miracle cleanse” with Jennifer Aniston’s rockin bod. This infects the entire country with a sense of debilitating self esteem, and creates an environment which fosters self-destructive behaviors and disordered eating. We are constantly being sucked into the media’s tornado of beauty and perfection, and it creates a perfect storm. Beautiful, well-educated young females start to doubt their bodies, and themselves, and pulling themselves down. There are few among us who have never looked into a mirror and been upset at the image staring back at us. As a future RD, whose life revolves around health, fitness and food, even I feel insecure about my body much of the time. Yes I can run for miles and miles, and I feel great, but I still fear trying on swimsuits.

But I have decided it’s time for this to change. I was on my Sunday long run, and in the heat of summer Boston, my cotton tee-shirt was starting to weigh me down. So I decided to do something I had never done before, for fear of glances, of judgment by strangers. I took off my shirt and ran in my sports bra (full coverage people!!) It felt fine, good even. It was much cooler, and no one jeered at my imperfect 6 pack, quite frankly I don't know if anyone even noticed. I was just another runner on the esplanade. But inside I felt different, I had stepped outside my comfort zone and it had worked out. I had unveiled myself, and it was empowering. I let the world see my strength and my pride.

We must love ourselves and our bodies before we can create positive change. Love is the foundation of healthy weight maintenance, weight loss or achieving new fitness goals. If you hate yourself or your body you will not want to treat it right, with the respect and love it deserves. This hatred can manifest itself in obsessive exercise, binge eating, disordered eating practices, low self esteem, depression or restriction, or any combination of the above.
On the other hand, if you love something you will want to nourish it, respect it, help it to fulfill its greatest potential.

I have decided to block all fat, negative talk from my life. I refuse to tell myself I am inferior. I am a runner. I am a yogi, I am active, I am a student, I am a friend, daughter, sister, and niece. I treat my body well almost all of the time, and it shows. I may not have the perfect 9 pack, but I can run long and strong, I have high energy levels, and feel full of life. Now I am no Gisele, but I my body has it's own stories to tell. My feet have beat enough miles in the pavement to probably travel the world at least once around. My arms can embrace old friends, carry loads of groceries, and lift weights with the boys at the gym. I'm smart and savvy and know my way around. I challenge you to bring some more self love and body appreciation into your life!

• Say It-Shout it from the rooftops, or whisper it to yourself in your bathroom mirror. “I am beautiful, I love me, My body is perfect just the way it is.”

• Write It-write yourself a love letter. Graffiti it on your mirror. Make a list of things you love about yourself, both physical, mental and spiritual aspects of the self!

• Live It! Don't put yourself or others down-stay away from negative comments, and always accentuate the positive.
  
• Support Yourself! Find a friend and make a compliment challenge-commit to creating a positive body image for the both of you.

• Spread the love! Tell your best friend that she is beautiful, just the way she is. Compliment a stranger. Check out Operation Beautiful, and the video Beauty Pressure for inspiration. Don't tolerate criticism of your body or your friends. Stop Fat Talk in its tracks
  

This is a journey we are all on together, and I would love to have you as a companion on my path! Who’s with me? Let's shout this from the rooftops!

Monica, Megan Laura and I have decided to start tweeting daily self love with on twitter, join us with the hashtag #selflove!

Tell me something you love about your self!!! Is it your laughter, your arms, your stomach, your kindness???????