Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. Right? Words like “fat” “obese” get tossed around a lot in our society. Unfortunately they are often also associated with words like “gross” or “lazy.” These words do hurt. The stigma of weight hurts not only the person at which they are directed, but our society in general.
Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA) was founded to help those who have binge eating disorder, their friends and family, and those who treat the disorder. BEDA provides individuals who suffer from eating disorders with the recognition and resources they deserve to begin a safe journey toward a healthy recovery. To learn more about BEDA check out: http://www.bedaonline.I recently had the honor of speaking with Nina-an eating disorder survivor who wanted to share her story. She truly believes that complete recovery IS possible: "When you are in the middle of an eating disorder, you don’t often hear this. Whether it’s the disorder that blocks you from hearing it, or a lack of understanding in the medical community and a lack of sharing of recovery stories, the fact is that full and complete recovery is possible. I have been there, in the depths of eating disorder hell, and I am now on the other side. That is my only qualification but it is the message of hope that I wish to spread to all those suffering with this disease." Read on for Nina's thoughts on Guilt, dieting, and eating disorders!
Tell us a little bit about yourself Nina! I am a 30 year old woman living in
My website Help for Eating Disorder came about after a long history of struggling with various eating disorders and never being able to find a permanent and lasting solution. I would go on and off diets, meal plans and I had tried various types of therapies but nothing really ever stuck. I reached a real rock bottom place but I still had a glimmer of hope that I could COMPLETELY recover from all eating disorders. By complete recovery I mean freedom from the entire obsession with food and weight and being able to eat like a “normal” or “intuitive” eater.
I promised myself that if I ever did achieve this sort of recovery, and it lasted, that I would do all that I could to help as many others who are suffering to achieve the same sort of full recovery that I now have. So I posted my story online and ended up receiving hundreds of emails from people asking about how I recovered, tips, advice and just generally wanting to open up about their own eating issues. After spending a lot of time responding to these emails, I thought it would be a great idea to set up my own site where I could post about specific questions that people were asking and offer all of the advice and assistance that I could.
What inspired you to start Help for Eating Disorders?
My main inspiration for starting Help for Eating Disorders was the miracle that I had experienced in my own life. After so many years of hell, hospitalizations, job losses and isolation, I was finally free. I knew this was a gift and one that I could keep by giving it away to others. I waited for a few years to make sure that it was REAL and FULL recovery before I started offering information and advice.
What does recovery from eating disorders look like? Is it the same for everyone?
I think that the most important thing that I have learned is that eating disorder recovery is completely different for everybody and it is an individual and personal path. What works for some people may not work for others. Readers who are attracted to my site are probably attracted to the path that I have taken. There are no accidents – what ever you are searching for is also searching for you.
However, I don’t think that my way is the ONLY way and just like the Buddhists say, there are 84.000 paths to enlightenment. I believe it is the same with eating disorder recovery. There are a multitude of paths to recovery; the challenge is finding what works for you and having the determination and courage to make mistakes, get back up and never give up.
The way that my eating disorder recovery looks like is this:
I eat exactly what I want when I want
I know what hunger feels like and I know what I am hungry for
I have not had an urge to binge, purge, starve or diet for over 4 years
I eat out with friends and am more interested in the social aspect than what I am eating
I never feel guilty about what I have eaten
I have no obsession with food or my weigh
My weight has been normal and stable for several years and does not fluctuate
The most important thing that I think many disordered eaters are searching for is the FREEDOM. Above all else, it is the mental torture of an eating disorder that is the worst manifestation. I want to share with everyone that I live with complete freedom with any type of obsession, mental preoccupation, guilt or concern about food or my weight.
Estimates show that up to 10 million females and 1 million males in the
What is even more alarming in my opinion is the 35% of “dieters” end up developing an eating disorder. I believe that this is where the root of the problem is. We are so obsessed with dieting, calorie counting, restricting and eating “healthy” food that we have become out of sync with what our bodies really want and need.
Add that to the fact that diets have 98% failure rate and you end up with millions of people who are using diets as a way to control their weight, when the inevitable result is that they will fail. The failure causes more starving, deprivation, overeating and eating disorders. The guilt, sense of failure and depression that result from the diet failure drive people to unhealthy disordered eating behaviors such as purging, over exercising, complete obsession with food and weight loss and binge eating to cope with the stress of this problem that has become so unmanageable.
What is one thing everyone can do to help start to put an end to disordered eating?
The main thing that everyone can do to start to put an end to the disordered eating is:
Reject the diet mentality
Learn to eat intuitively
Let go of rules and rigid planning
Understand and identify your triggers (weight loss sites, scales, etc)
Eliminate the triggers
And most importantly, have a desire to recover above all else.
The guilt that comes with eating disorders is a cumulative effect from years of classifying food as good and bad, and thereby yourself as good or bad depending on what you ate that day. It is embedded into our psyche and is a loud, negative and self defeating voice that will always lead to more hopelessness, further guilt and no recovery. It is crucial to develop ways to fight off the guilt when entering recovery as it is one of the main driving forces of the disorder and prevents full and complete recovery.
What is your top tip for letting go of guilt, and freeing yourself from disordered eating?
In order to let go of the guilt I had to have a complete mental shift regarding diets, weight loss, my eating behavior and a recognition of my triggers. I came to a point where I knew deep in my heart that the dieting mentality was fueling my disordered eating and that I would never be able to beat the eating disorder beast. The only way to win was to let go. I started practicing “normal” or intuitive eating almost 5 years ago when my body and mind were completely done with the whole diet-binge-restrict cycle. I had to be at this place of total defeat.
I started to legalize all food – slowly at first, but I was persistent and I was getting results which made me even more determined. I stopped isolating so that I could either eat my special “diet” food or binge. I ate out with people, I tried food that I actually liked and I gave myself the permission to eat the way that I did as a child.
I strongly believe that rejecting the diet mentality and getting in tune with your own body’s hunger and satiety signals is the key. Any externally imposed eating plan will always fail in my experience and will trigger off the guilt and obsession.
I had to dedicate myself to challenging every single guilt thought, realizing that is was not true, that it was the eating disorder talking and trying to get me back in its death grip.
I followed the example of other normal eaters that I knew and slowly the guilt subsided, I reached a normal weight and had the obsession removed. It is the results that speak for themselves. I knew that I wanted COMPLETE recovery, not just a way to “manage” the eating disorder through eating plans and rigid rules. I wanted to be completely in tune with my own body and that is the way that I live today.
Thank you Nina for your wise words of advice! Nina writes a blog at Help for Eating Disorder and has recently published an EBook about Recovery From Eating Disorders. You can also follow her on Twitter @helpfored and "Like" the blog on Facebook!
Tell me a little bit about yourself. How did you become a recovery warrior?
"In order to be beautiful you must be healthy.""The most important thing in life is the relationship you have with yourself.""Beauty is perfect in it's imperfections""What you hate about yourself is what makes you gorgeous""Confidence is what matters. And the relationship you have with yourself matters""You can be the person of your dreams."Thank you Diane Von Furstenberg for the inspiration and continuing to be a body positive role model in the fashion industry!What quotes have stuck with you recently?
Then I entered grade school when, all of a sudden, the words about how I looked weren’t as kind. My arms were hairy, my hair was frizzy, my legs were too muscular, my eye brows were bushy, my t-shirts too baggy, and my breasts an embarrassing topic of conversation. I’m surprised the comments rushing from the mouths on the playground didn’t ultimately given me an early aneurysm (being the insanely sensitive person I am). Instead, they only caused emotional distress which I carried with me for way too long.
I’ll never forget the afternoons after high school when my friend Sherry and I would stand in front of the mirror, pulling our legs and stomachs back to see what we would look like if we had fewer inches. We would console each other, and I remember thinking about how sad it was that Sherry, this incredibly beautiful and talented girl, didn’t like her perfect body. It never occurred to me that maybe she thought the same thing about me. I’ll never forget these days. The crying over my pants size, the secret agony I felt over my mother’s Victoria’s Secret catalogue, the deep desire to look and feel like a confident movie star, and the feeling that I was all alone in this, because even though my friends would say they felt the same way, in my mind, they were way too beautiful to really understand.
One day, I came home crying after school (a usual occurrence so I’m not sure what the drama of the day was), but my mother held me in her arms, and in one of those awkward parenting moments, said something that I will never ever forget: “It's my fault. Instead of spending your childhood telling you how beautiful you looked, I should have spent more time telling you how beautiful you are on the inside.” I didn’t get it. How could her compliments cause any damage? How could it hurt to have someone tell you you’re the most beautiful thing on Earth?
After that day, I think my mom changed her approach. Her compliments started to be more about my academics, my musical abilities, my athletic accomplishments, and my choices. I’d still get the occasional, “you look great” comments, but the focus was moved from my appearance to my performance. Once a week after school, my mom would also teach a yoga class to my friends and myself, and at the end of every session, she would end the class with a quote on inner beauty and enlightenment. I don’t know if this is the reason why I eventually became less fixated on my looks or if maybe I just made the decision to stop the angst, but whatever happened, I entered my freshman year of college feeling confident and strong. I attribute this healthy transformation to my mother’s activism in my body image.
Now that I am 27, I only remember these feelings as a phase I went through as a teenager. At this point in life, I’m comfortable with my arms, I like my freakishly strong legs, I am happy that my eye brows are big, I think my hair looks kind of sexy when it’s frizzy, I find baggy t-shirts to be quite comfortable, and if my breasts are a topic of conversation, it’s probably because my best friend is a bra-sizing specialist, and she knows what she’s doing! But something inside me keeps reminding me how lucky I am that this so-called “phase” didn’t turn into a serious eating disorder or a lifelong distorted body image disorder. After all, can we really call these thoughts a “phase?” I think they are more of a lingering danger that we have to CHANGE. It’s time to redefine beautiful and to teach kids to be kind to each other. The playground is a dangerous place, and it’s not because of the monkey bars or tire swings.
Before I wrap up, I want to share a story my friend told me the other day:
Her friend was always a little worried about the size of her legs. One day, a girl at school asked her friend to pose for a piece of art: a clay molding of a dancer’s legs. The friend was thrilled that the artist, a popular “hot” girl, wanted to use her legs as a subject! After days of work, the sculpture finally went on display for the whole school to see…..Titled: An Overweight Dancer. This girl went on to develop a serious eating disorder. Are you surprised?
How can we turn the tables and encourage kids to be supportive of each other? I’m going to start by volunteering at my elementary school to come in and give a little talk. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just work on my nieces and nephews until another opportunity comes up. I encourage all of you Guiltless readers to join together and rise against body image cruelty! Let’s take back what belongs to us: Our bodies and our peace of mind.
The media doesn't cause eating disorders but they send out the clear message that you should be thin. They keep showing or telling us only thin women's bodies are beautiful and sexually desirable. That you won't find a boyfriend until you have a perfectly flat stomach. Tempt that once you're thin you will be confident, successful, healthy and happy.Let's have a little wake up call: You're life isn't going to suddenly become perfect if you lose 10 lbs. You can't and shouldn't be happy with yourself unless your body looks exactly like the thin ideal.
While this isn't all we have to do to "Shed our weight problem" it's a step in the right direction
Eating disorders are serious illnesses, not lifestyle choices, and affect men and women across all racial, economic, and educational boundaries. Eating disorders are complex conditions that arise from a combination of long-standing behavioral, emotional, psychological, interpersonal, biological and social factors. Look at the state of the world we live in today! A study found that adolescent girls were more fearful of gaining weight than getting cancer, nuclear war or losing their parents. Because we live in a culture that emphasizes an unrealistic ideal for most people, many try to fight our natural size and shape determined by genetics, through unhealthy dieting practices, poor body image and decreased self-esteem, which fosters the beginning of disordered eating.
In the United States, as many as 10 million females and 1 million males are fighting a life and death battle with an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia. Approximately 15 million more are struggling with binge eating disorder. Eating disorders rank among the 10 leading causes of disability among young women [Mathers et al., 2000] Eating disorders do not affect women exclusively. Men also suffer from eating disorders. Incidence of eating disorders has increased over the last 30 to 40 years [Academy of Eating Disorders, 2007] Not only are they becoming more predominant, but they are deadly diseases. Anorexia nervosa has one of the highest mortality rates of any psychological illness. Estimates range from 5% to 20%. [Birmingham et al., 2005]
Eating disorders have a profoundly negative impact on an individual's quality of life, wrecking self-image, interpersonal relationships, financial status, and job performance. While eating disorders are serious, potentially life-threatening illnesses, there is help available Recovery is possible. NEDA has information and resources available via their website and helpline:Helpline: 800 931-2237
Spread the awareness about eating disorders. Join the event on Facebook! If you are on twitter, Marci Anderson, a RD who specializes in eating disorders will be hosting a twitterchat on February 23rd at 8:30pm EST with the hashtag #endED Join in!
So this week let’s take some extra time to remember that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. You are more than the number on the scale. Celebrate your inner beauty, strength, and spirit! Live Guiltlessly!
Tell me one thing you love about yourself today!
by: Stephanie Horton
Body Image is powerful thought processes that can either bring you joy or present you with struggle. Negative body image has the potential to result in life-threatening conditions such as eating disorders, and today, millions of Americans are unhappy with their bodies. In fact, 80% of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance, and even scarier, 80% of children who are ten years old are afraid of being fat. 80%!!!! That is an incredibly large and disheartening number. We are living in a time when poor body image is eating us alive as it causes many to live without eating.
It’s time we start a body image revolution.
As many as 10 million females and 1 million males are fighting a life or death battle with an eating disorder such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia. Even though eating disorders are the leading killers among the mental illnesses, they receive the least amount of funding compared to other psychological diseases such as Alzheimer's and Schizophrenia. If you'd like to get involved and help in the fight against eating disorders, visit The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) website for more information.
The path to self-love is no well-traveled road with signs and lane dividers. It can be dark at times, bright at others, but it’s always easy to get lost. We all encounter obstacles during the ride, but the destination remains the same: The point at which we treat ourselves with respect and gratitude.
Here are a few tips for celebrating yourself and your body:
