Whatever I wish to do, I do

I don't feel guilt. Whatever I wish to do, I do.
-Jeanne Moreau, French Actress

Here's to a Guiltless week!

Let Go of the Guilt

Guilt can weigh you down. And most of us feel guilt over things that do not warrant it like taking time for ourselves, eating a food we've previously labeled as "bad", forgetting to call someone back, leaving the dishes in the sink, purchasing new clothes, you name it! The list goes on and on. But if we harp on these things, we are spending too much energy on undeserved guilt and not enough focus on the great things life has to offer. Once you put down the guilt, the weight of the world seems a little lighter, and you open yourself up to opportunities that will bring you happiness.

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It's much easier said than done, because we have been conditioning ourselves for a lifetime to feel guilty over things that bring us joy and health like eating, sleeping, sex, shopping, working...the list is exhausting! Can you imagine the amount of time you would have if you stopped wasting it worrying about things? Everyone deals with these feelings, including myself. So join me and take it step by step and really give some thought to how you might build your own path toward enjoying life and appreciating yourself for who you are.  

Let us know what you're thinking and how you plan to achieve your goals for less guilt. Better yet, send a guest post to iamguiltless@gmail.com. We love hearing from you.

Surrender

The next time you're worn out, don't tell yourself to pep up.
Do what your body and brain want: surrender to the weariness.
Breathe into it.
--Martha Beck, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World

We push ourselves day in and day out. Not letting a drop of sleep deprivation show during important business meetings or showing any sort of weariness when we meet with our personal trainers. We've told ourselves day in and day out that being worn out is a sign of weakness, and we must struggle to hide the 3 hours of sleep we put ourselves through.

Then something happens. Maybe that cold finally catches up to you, or getting out of bed seems even a bigger chore than ever before.

That's when we need to remind ourselves that it's ok to say no. That's it's ok to cancel. That it's ok to "schedule" time for workouts, eating, sleeping, cooking, playing. That it's ok to just Breathe. And surrender. Listen to what your body and brain want and feed those desires without guilt.

Destroying Guilt

I don’t believe in guilt. I believe in living on impulse as long as you never intentionally hurt another person, and don’t judge people in your life. I think you should live completely free.
-Angelina Jolie

You can't have guilt if you don't believe in it right? More guiltlessness:

• Make motivating/inspirational lucky stars to share with friends and guests in your home. Love this idea shared by our friend Jessica

• Learn these: 20 Things People With A Positive Body Image Know

• How photoshopping alters our perception of beauty: a fantastic post by Beauty Redefined

Have a completely free and Guiltless week!

Don't Let Overanalyzing Bring You Down

Do you run through past events over and over in your head, thinking about what went right or wrong, and how you could have made it better? While a little self-reflection is fine, overanalyzing each and every situation at work, in your relationship, or over your exercise or diet routine can sabotage you. The more you ruminate over past events, that are unchangeable, the more you look at present and future events through a negative lens. Let's start 2012 on a Guiltless track and stop overanalyzing right.now.

• Take action If possible come up with a solid solution for the problem. You can’t change history but if you shift your focus on things that can be addressed, you can start to move on. For example, if you're dwelling on the number on the scale, don't beat your self up. Instead get moving, try a new sport, start to think about your relationship towards food. take positive steps in the right direction instead of wallowing in your past.
  
• Take attention off the issue But not just by watching mindless television or going on a shopping spree. Instead do an activity that will keep you mind engaged and involves social interaction if possible. Great ways to set your mind free are sports like tennis, board games with your family or a nature walk with a friend.
• Be mindful Your thoughts do not have to control you. Pause. Be Mindful. Focus on the present moment without any judgment. Notice your thoughts, but let them go without judgment like branches being swept away in a stream.
• Patience Don’t beat yourself up because overanalyzing is tough to beat. While these steps will help you to break down the negative track in your mind, they do take time and practice to be effective.
  

Just like diet and lifestyle changes, breaking away from negative self-talk is a journey.While avoiding overanalyzing it’s important that you don’t overgeneralize (My date last night was awful-i'll never find love) or disqualify the positive (I feel great sticking to my exercise plan this week, but I drank a little too much last night) or thinking in all black and white terms (I can never eat my mother’s cookies ever again). Stick to these ways to break the overanalyzing track, and you’ll start to see your present and future in a much brighter light. Stay Guiltless!

Help for Eating Disorders: Interview with Nina

I recently had the honor of speaking with Nina-an eating disorder survivor who wanted to share her story. She truly believes that complete recovery IS possible: "When you are in the middle of an eating disorder, you don’t often hear this. Whether it’s the disorder that blocks you from hearing it, or a lack of understanding in the medical community and a lack of sharing of recovery stories, the fact is that full and complete recovery is possible. I have been there, in the depths of eating disorder hell, and I am now on the other side. That is my only qualification but it is the message of hope that I wish to spread to all those suffering with this disease." Read on for Nina's thoughts on Guilt, dieting, and eating disorders!

Tell us a little bit about yourself Nina!

I am a 30 year old woman living in New York and I love this city, yoga, writing, spirituality and meditation. I come from a background of journalism and marketing and I love learning new things and being able to help others.

My website Help for Eating Disorder came about after a long history of struggling with various eating disorders and never being able to find a permanent and lasting solution. I would go on and off diets, meal plans and I had tried various types of therapies but nothing really ever stuck. I reached a real rock bottom place but I still had a glimmer of hope that I could COMPLETELY recover from all eating disorders. By complete recovery I mean freedom from the entire obsession with food and weight and being able to eat like a “normal” or “intuitive” eater.

I promised myself that if I ever did achieve this sort of recovery, and it lasted, that I would do all that I could to help as many others who are suffering to achieve the same sort of full recovery that I now have. So I posted my story online and ended up receiving hundreds of emails from people asking about how I recovered, tips, advice and just generally wanting to open up about their own eating issues. After spending a lot of time responding to these emails, I thought it would be a great idea to set up my own site where I could post about specific questions that people were asking and offer all of the advice and assistance that I could.

What inspired you to start Help for Eating Disorders?

My main inspiration for starting Help for Eating Disorders was the miracle that I had experienced in my own life. After so many years of hell, hospitalizations, job losses and isolation, I was finally free. I knew this was a gift and one that I could keep by giving it away to others. I waited for a few years to make sure that it was REAL and FULL recovery before I started offering information and advice.

What does recovery from eating disorders look like? Is it the same for everyone?

I think that the most important thing that I have learned is that eating disorder recovery is completely different for everybody and it is an individual and personal path. What works for some people may not work for others. Readers who are attracted to my site are probably attracted to the path that I have taken. There are no accidents – what ever you are searching for is also searching for you.

However, I don’t think that my way is the ONLY way and just like the Buddhists say, there are 84.000 paths to enlightenment. I believe it is the same with eating disorder recovery. There are a multitude of paths to recovery; the challenge is finding what works for you and having the determination and courage to make mistakes, get back up and never give up.

The way that my eating disorder recovery looks like is this:

I eat exactly what I want when I want
I know what hunger feels like and I know what I am hungry for
I have not had an urge to binge, purge, starve or diet for over 4 years
I eat out with friends and am more interested in the social aspect than what I am eating
I never feel guilty about what I have eaten
I have no obsession with food or my weigh
My weight has been normal and stable for several years and does not fluctuate

The most important thing that I think many disordered eaters are searching for is the FREEDOM. Above all else, it is the mental torture of an eating disorder that is the worst manifestation. I want to share with everyone that I live with complete freedom with any type of obsession, mental preoccupation, guilt or concern about food or my weight.

How big of a problem are eating disorders/disordered eating in this country? Why do you think it is such a problem?

Estimates show that up to 10 million females and 1 million males in the United States have an eating disorder, such as anorexia or bulimia, according to the National Eating Disorders Association. Millions more have binge eating disorder Also, sadly, only 1 in 10 people with eating disorders receive treatment. What is more concerning is that 35% of "normal dieters" progress to pathological dieting. Of those, 20-25% progress to partial or full-syndrome eating disorders. (Shisslak & Crago, 1995) 25% of Americans men and 45% of American women are on a diet on any given day (Smolak, 1996).

What is even more alarming in my opinion is the 35% of “dieters” end up developing an eating disorder. I believe that this is where the root of the problem is. We are so obsessed with dieting, calorie counting, restricting and eating “healthy” food that we have become out of sync with what our bodies really want and need.

Add that to the fact that diets have 98% failure rate and you end up with millions of people who are using diets as a way to control their weight, when the inevitable result is that they will fail. The failure causes more starving, deprivation, overeating and eating disorders. The guilt, sense of failure and depression that result from the diet failure drive people to unhealthy disordered eating behaviors such as purging, over exercising, complete obsession with food and weight loss and binge eating to cope with the stress of this problem that has become so unmanageable.

What is one thing everyone can do to help start to put an end to disordered eating?

The main thing that everyone can do to start to put an end to the disordered eating is:

Reject the diet mentality
Learn to eat intuitively
Let go of rules and rigid planning
Understand and identify your triggers (weight loss sites, scales, etc)
Eliminate the triggers

And most importantly, have a desire to recover above all else.

What does guilt have to do with eating disorders

The guilt that comes with eating disorders is a cumulative effect from years of classifying food as good and bad, and thereby yourself as good or bad depending on what you ate that day. It is embedded into our psyche and is a loud, negative and self defeating voice that will always lead to more hopelessness, further guilt and no recovery. It is crucial to develop ways to fight off the guilt when entering recovery as it is one of the main driving forces of the disorder and prevents full and complete recovery.

What is your top tip for letting go of guilt, and freeing yourself from disordered eating?

In order to let go of the guilt I had to have a complete mental shift regarding diets, weight loss, my eating behavior and a recognition of my triggers. I came to a point where I knew deep in my heart that the dieting mentality was fueling my disordered eating and that I would never be able to beat the eating disorder beast. The only way to win was to let go. I started practicing “normal” or intuitive eating almost 5 years ago when my body and mind were completely done with the whole diet-binge-restrict cycle. I had to be at this place of total defeat.

I started to legalize all food – slowly at first, but I was persistent and I was getting results which made me even more determined. I stopped isolating so that I could either eat my special “diet” food or binge. I ate out with people, I tried food that I actually liked and I gave myself the permission to eat the way that I did as a child.

I strongly believe that rejecting the diet mentality and getting in tune with your own body’s hunger and satiety signals is the key. Any externally imposed eating plan will always fail in my experience and will trigger off the guilt and obsession.

I had to dedicate myself to challenging every single guilt thought, realizing that is was not true, that it was the eating disorder talking and trying to get me back in its death grip.

I followed the example of other normal eaters that I knew and slowly the guilt subsided, I reached a normal weight and had the obsession removed. It is the results that speak for themselves. I knew that I wanted COMPLETE recovery, not just a way to “manage” the eating disorder through eating plans and rigid rules. I wanted to be completely in tune with my own body and that is the way that I live today.

Thank you Nina for your wise words of advice! Nina writes a blog at Help for Eating Disorder and has recently published an EBook about Recovery From Eating Disorders. You can also follow her on Twitter @helpfored and "Like" the blog on Facebook!

Let's keep the conversation rolling...

On Monday, Elizabeth wrote about a common misconception that guilt can lead as a motivator to eat well and exercise. As we discussed, there are countless other reasons to treat your body well: increased energy, long term health benefits, short term benefits like feeling more confident and put-together, and let's not forget, exercise and eating well have been shown to have sexual benefits as well. So in order to keep us on track with the right reasons to treat ourselves with respect and appreciation, I've created a little vow for us all to fill out and keep as a reminder to ourselves when stress and guilt start to creep into our lives:

I _______, vow to ban guilt from my exercise schedule and daily meals. I promise to myself that I will be proud of my accomplishments, and I will base my goals on things that make me feel energetic and beautiful rather than on reasons why I will be less-than-perfect if I don't achieve them. These are my three goals for my own well-being when it comes to exercise and eating well:

1.
2.
3.

Mine are as follows:
1. I will run outside in the beautiful weather and challenge myself both mentally and physically by pushing myself a little further than I did the week before.
2. I will exercise my creativity in cooking with new fresh, healthy, easy-to-cook recipes that make me feel connected to the food I'm eating.
3. I will allow myself to take breaks when I am mentally or physically drained, because this will allow my body to heal and my mind to clear. I will not feel bad about it.

We'd love to hear your goals if you'd care to share!

Thank you. Be well, and enjoy the day!

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Guilt as a Motivator?

There's a new gym in my neck of the woods. Huge billboards and ads adorn the windows proclaiming that YOU need to "earn your mac n cheese tonight"
Their gimmick to get you inside their doors, clamoring for a membership is to guilt you into working out.

Because the only reason we work out is to burn calories right? Not because it protects our hearts, guards against hypertension, increases endorphins, makes you better in bed, boosts self-confidence and makes us stronger? Nope-the only reason you'll ever see me in the gym is because I just ate, and goddamn it-I feel guilty.

A study that has been getting a lot of press lately claims that guilt is a great motivator for diet change and exercise. But let me ask you-does the end justify the means? Yes guilt may get you to the gym, but it also starts you down a path of self-hatred and distance from your intuition.

Steph & I started Guiltless because we say those around us sabotaging their own health with guilt. Yes, we love healthy food and work out regularly, but we also know the dangers of swearing of dessert forever, classifying foods as good or bad, obsessive exercising and extreme dieting. Compensating for what you eat by working out is a disordered behavior. And not one any one or any gym should be promoting.

So go to the gym. But don't go because you feel guilty about what you just ate. Go because it makes you feel alive, healthy, strong and beautiful! Eliminate all guilt from your diet and fitness regime.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about guilt as a motivator! Leave them in the comment section below!

Guiltlessly Un-athletic: Guest Post by Carlene Helble

by Carlene Helble

Dance six days a week, play rugby in the evenings after classes, do conditioning on the weekends, and tennis when possible.

Oh wait, that’s not me.

I come from a family of athletes, where my sister is the dancer, and brother the rugby player. I meanwhile, have the flexibility of an arthritic giraffe, cannot dance, and while I love the competitive edge of rugby, with a very petite build, such a sport would be a poor choice to say the least. Sports have never been part of my personality and for a while I felt guilty. I felt that I should try and like feeling muscle pain and awkward body movement. Back tucks should be a piece of cake and walking into the living room to lift up the 70 pound black lab shouldn’t be an issue.

It took be years to realize that guilting myself for what my body wasn’t comfortable doing wouldn’t make me an athlete. In actuality, I was active, just not conventionally athletic. My body could run, hike for miles, learn to swing a golf club, row a canoe, whip egg whites like a pro, and give some pretty stellar hugs. I am now, guiltlessly not a conventionally athletic girl.

While you may have a family of basketball stars, if it’s not for you, don’t feel guilty. If your friends are all rock climbers, or your roommates like to marathon, if you would rather walk the neighborhood or go to a tango club, that’s right for you. Be guiltless in what you love for exercise and don’t sell your body short.

Be guiltless in the love of your chosen activity and love every part of you for what YOU can do.

To guiltless activity,

Carlene Helble

@CarleneFutureRD

Coming son: Carlene’s Figments: http://carlenesfigments.wordpress.com

The Path to Health Does Not Begin with Guilt

"Health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease"~George Prentice

I couldn't agree more with George. While I have spent the last four years of my life in school studying nutrition, learning the pros of fiber, and the cons of transfat, I have learned in the real world that obsessing over calories, and the food you eat, ultimately is the cause of more poor health than eating 1g of transfat every 3 months. For health is more than just your resting heart rate, and cholesterol levels. Although those are important, the relationship you have with food and the world also plays a HUGE role in determining the state of your overall health. Your blood lipid panel could be near perfect, but if you stare at the fridge, riveted by fear of its contents, you will not be living life to it's fullest. Harrowed by the fear of what ingredients are contained in your food, and how it is going to make you feel, you will ultimately miss out on all the pleasures that food can bring. Good health means nothing if you can not enjoy your life. Physical health is not the end all be all-we also need to remember our mental health and how we are treating ourselves. Let us not be anxiety ridden to the point of harming ourselves. Food is a place where our physical hunger meets our psychological assumptions. There is no such thing as a good or bad food. There are simply choices. No food is bad if consumed in moderation, with thought, and mindfulness. If you are still stuck in this black and white thinking, let this be the week that you let go of that anxiety! Be guiltless about your choices and decisions!

Is there a particular food or ingredient that makes you anxious? Have you ever been consumed by black and white thinking about food?