Double Agent

When your mind tells you one thing and your body tells you something different, which one do you listen to? When is it okay to take a break? And when should you just suck it up? There is a fine line between these decisions, and it's hard to determine which will serve you best. It's the double agent inside of you, and sometimes it's hard to tell who it's working for.


There are some common examples of this dilemma existing in us all. Sometimes these feelings can cause emotional stress which can eventually lead to physical stress. This makes it all the more important to have a strong strategy.

Social invitations: You get a call from a close friend who wants to get together mid week for dinner and drinks. But your work schedule has been increasingly demanding lately, and you could use a night in. Should you say no and risk going another week without seeing your dear friend, or should you say yes and risk feeling tired and run down? This is a tough call, and one which I struggle with on a weekly basis. What I've learned is that your friends will understand if you need some "me time," but your body will not forgive you for stretching it thin. My advice for this type of situation is to compromise! One week, maybe you decide to lay low while the following week you agree to go out, but you take it easy on the drinks and head home in time for 7 or 8 hours of sound sleep.

Extra work or Commitments: It's Friday and your boss asks if you're available to volunteer at an event the next morning. Typically, you're all for participating and being a team player. But this week, you are really looking forward to your Saturday plans to catch up on some reading and go to a much needed yoga class. Or maybe you don't have plans, but you've been feeling a little crunched lately and could use a day for yourself. In my opinion, it's okay to say no sometimes (especially in these types of circumstances). Saying something like, "I'm open to doing this at a later date, but unfortunately, I'm booked this weekend," is perfectly acceptable. And then next time you're asked to take on an extra task, you can go for it!

Rest vs. Working out: If you're anything like me, this is a daily struggle. But we have to face the facts: There are some days when exercise will leave you feeling energized and invigorated, and there are others when it will make you feel, well, exhausted. It's extremely difficult to determine what kind of day it is, and sometimes you'll skip the gym and wish you didn't or you'll go to the gym, get on the treadmill and think to yourself, "I need my bed." The best thing to do in this scenario is to quiet your mind for a moment and listen to your body. With a little practice, you'll start hearing it louder and clearer each time, and eventually, you're body awareness will kick in and this decision will be easier to make.


These are only three examples of daily conundrums. Additional issues include the procrastination of all other daily tasks which take precious time. The most important thing to remember is you're not alone. With a little mindfulness, you'll have no question about whether that double agent is working for you or against you.

What mindful strategies do you practice to avoid self espionage?

Be well, and enjoy the day!

The Power of Positivity

I’m not going to lie-I am a very positive person. I am often described as optimistic and upbeat, always full of energy. So when I saw the book “Positivity” by Barbara Fredrickson PhD in the public library I knew I wanted to read it-as it claimed to provide a scientific explanation of why positive emotions are so important and how they can be used to overcome negativity and flourish in life. Fredrickson has the neat job of being a professor and “principal investigator of positive emotion and psychophysiology laboratory of University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill”

She does not adapt the “Pollyanna view” of 100% positivity 100% of the time. Rather she acknowledges the entire spectrum of human emotions and says life is sweetest when your positivity to negativity ratio is 3 to 1. So for every negative emotion you have you have at least 3 positive emotions. This ratio does not have to be achieved at all moments, or even once a day, but rather when looking at the larger scheme of things.

Positivity is a renewable resource. You can seed more of it in your life, and as those seeds grow you flourish.

There are 10 main forms of positivity: Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe and Love. Everyone experiences them slightly differently, and different actions/events/items can lead to these emotions, but they are universal.

When you think about these emotions, ask yourself: “When was the last time you felt one of these emotions? Where was I? What was I doing? What gives me this feeling?” recognizing these things can help to bring awareness to what fills you with positivity.

I agree with her tips to increase positivity, including:

Count Your Blessings-What do you appreciate, and feel truly grateful for? Expressing that graditude in words or actions will help boost both your mood and their giver of such blessings.

Follow Your Passions: If you are living a passionate life, where you follow activities that you find fun and enjoyable you are more likely to have more positive thoughts.

Dream about your Future: Think of the best possible outcome of the next couple years. Where would you like to be in 5 years? Visualizing this wonderful future can help you bring these dreams into reality

Connect with Others: You don’t have to do this alone. Building trusting, warm relationships with others will help you grow as a person. I know if I’m having a bad day, even if all I want to do is crawl back to my room, seeing someone I care about and who supports me always makes things better.

Connect with Nature: There’s nothing like fresh air, trees, even just plain green grass to ground you back to the present. Stop to smell the flowers. Take a walk around the block, even if it’s snowing.

Make Gratitude a Ritual- Notice the gifts that you are given daily by taking the time to record them, in a gratitude journal, or even just creating a word document of things to be grateful for.

Practice Loving-Kindness meditation: Taking 10 minutes a day to project positive aspirations and thoughts out into the world is way to increase mindfulness and positivity. Read the post I wrote for the Me Movement on Meditation.

If you want to know what your positivity ratio is right now, head over to www.positivityratio.com and take a few moments to reflect over your day. I also recommend the website www.authentichappiness.com which helps to identify your top strengths and how you can help them grow.

I challenge you to this week notice more positive things about your life. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your body or your relationship with food, accentuate the positive. Now is the time to flourish! Remember this quote by Diane Ackerman:

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”

What fills you with Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe and Love today?

Resolutions? Let's Set Some Goals!

Oh January 1^st—the day when everyone swears to lose 5 lbs by January 5^th, when gyms across the nation become suddenly jam-packed, and your best friend is swearing off chocolate. If you've managed to save some self love through the rest of the holiday season, this becomes even more difficult when everyone around is resolving to make 2011 bigger and better than ever, through deprivation and brand new intense workout regimes. When was the last time you saw these New Years Resolutions followed through to September? Perhaps it’s because most of us do not plan well enough, and fail to set good goals. So this year, let’s shift our talk from resolution-making to goal-setting!

To make positive change this year, create small achievable goals that focus on the positive.

• Brainstorm. What do you want? And Why? Clearly defining these two things will give you a strong start to causing change.
• Start with a simple plan. Make it specific, and achievable. How can you realistically get from point a to point b?
• Accentuate the positive: Avoid “I will not.” Instead use “I am”. Replace “I should”, with “I will.” Example: Instead of “I will not eat chocolate” try “I will make sure to eat 5 fruits and vegetables a day.” “Instead of “I should work out everyday” use “I will be active to stay healthy and happy, and give my body the rest it deserves.”
• Make it visible for accountability. Share it with your best friend, your mom, on Facebook, on Twitter, or on your blog. Letting others know will help you stick to your goal.
• Take steps. Goals aren’t all or nothing philosophies. Make small, gradual steps to reach your goal. Remember that slipping on rigid goals isn’t always a bad thing, and should be considered an opportunity to grow and learn. It is important to revaluate your goals throughout the year to see what may be preventing you from reaching them, and whether they are still helping you create the life you desire.
• Stay Focused- Reflect and evaluate how your progress has gone. Goals can always shift. Acknowledge what you are doing well! This will foster hope and motivation to continue doing great!

I have two traditions that I would love to share with you for a positive January 1st. First my family gathers together with a calender and day-book of 2010 and relives all the positive things about the past year. We then look to the year ahead and some of the things planned to start thinking about what 2011 will hold. At the start of the new year I also like to create a Vision Board. I bring together a lot of images and words that inspire me, and create a board that outlines some of the goals I would like to accomplish in the new year. You can learn more about vision boards here and here, and here is what mine looks like this year:

on my vision board I put images of strength and flexibility both in body and in life. I reminded myself to remember that I am strong, confident and beautiful and ready to face the world.

This will hang in my room all year, as a reminder of what will make 2011 so great!

If you don’t want to commit to an entire board, write an affirmation card. Write something you would like to change in the New year, and keep it somewhere where you can look at it and be reminded for the reasons to change.

Everyone likes instant gratification, but success takes works, and planning, and long term goals make that possible!

“Remember: You have the power within you to create the life you love. Be gentle with yourself. You are worth every desire.”
-Lori Shemek

What are your goals for 2011? Do you use January 1^st to reflect and set goals?